She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Green mimosas i think yes
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
