We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
