hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
