Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
