Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
