you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
