My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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