i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
