i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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