chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
