I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
