Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
