everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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