last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
