and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
