We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
