My friends, they love my intelligence
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize