At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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