So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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