well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
