Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
