I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
