I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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