new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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