just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize