I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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