My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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