He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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