Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
