btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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