Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
