If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
