I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
