STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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