You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
