She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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