New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
