Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
