i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
