I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
