im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
