I should be sponsored by Trojan
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i think i just lost a toe
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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