Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
