I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize