It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
