like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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