from now on my penis is your penis
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize