so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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