just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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