I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
