How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
