he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
