mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
