I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
