i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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