He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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