I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize