Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
