im drinking this country out of the recession.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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