I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
