Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Randomize
