I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
