I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
