It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
