i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
