Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
