i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
