last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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