I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i think i have two assholes
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
