Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
