he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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