I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
