hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
