Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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