I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
